fourteen (explicit)

It’s a little known fact that founding father Thomas Jefferson invented a rudimentary, 18th century time machine. He uses it to travel into the future and hold US leaders accountable for what he sees as breaches of the Constitution. Pick a moment in American history* and write the interaction between Jefferson and the overreaching leader.

*i picked several, and just wrote one-liners. because i can.

“And just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
T. Jefferson to R. Nixon, 1972

“You pardoned that slick bastard? What the fuck?!”
T. Jefferson to G. Ford, 1974

“Dude, that habeas corpus shit ain’t no joke.”
T. Jefferson to A. Lincoln, 1860s

“Nice boys don’t listen to other people’s conversations.”
T. Jefferson to B. Obama, 2013

“I hope she was worth it, you stupid fucker.”
T. Jefferson to B. Clinton, 1990s



This is what I want you to know about me.

i’m capable, vital, and contrary to what my behavior may imply, energetic. i have a full and giving heart, a compassionate soul, a beautiful and active mind that i feel more than compensates for my less than beautiful and active body.

i like myself, even when no one else does.


What can you tell the second little girl that will help her change the course of her life?

trust that the universe has a plan for you. trust that you have purpose. trust that you have been given the means, directly or indirectly, to find that purpose. trust that you have the sense and the strength to act on that purpose. 

remember, please remember, that your journey is yours and yours alone. comparing your path to someone else’s will not help you.

you have value. you have a place on this planet and in this course of events. own it. protect it. share it, but know when to employ a bit of self-preserving selfishness.

play as hard as you work, and don’t begrudge yourself a moment of either.


You see two little girls in the playground and can tell that one of them will get nearly everything she wants from life, while the other will suffer endless disappointments and frustrations. What are the signs you see?

the toys, books, and games are common to all, but where one takes advantage of the fact, the other is hesitant. should she ask permission? no one else did, but maybe no one saw them take a toy or a book without asking. she has this feeling, a constant feeling she can’t name or place the origins of, that tells her she’s being watched closely. someone, somewhere is waiting for her to make a mistake, waiting for their signal to swoop in and remind her she is wrong, that everything about her is wrong. she can’t bear it, because how can another person, in good, clear conscience, tell someone else that their experience of life is wrong? she can’t bear it.

a lifetime of feeling unwelcome in a indifferent world will haunt her, make her afraid to exist where and when she is perfectly entitled to do so.

she is afraid to live, simply because no one ever told her she could.


let’s consider this the first in what may end up being a series of shorts based on prompts from this most magical book. all of these entries will be unedited, fresh in all their imperfect glory from brain to page. of course you have no way to verify this, and i have no way to prove it, so you’ll just have to trust me.

Hera writes a letter to Zeus regarding the time he has not been spending around the house.

Dear Husband:

Greetings in your name, or however you wish to be entreated these days. The Muses could offer no assistance in this matter; you may wish to speak to them about their workload.

I write this note not as an appeal for your attention. I’m far too proud and frankly, my dear, you’re not worth it. I write on behalf of your children-or I should say our children, for who on Earth or Olympus knows how many others you have sired since last we spoke-are suffering for lack of a father’s care. Ares will insist on picking fights, and Eris only fans the flames. The house is in utter chaos… even dear Hestia has been round and can do nothing worthwhile to help.  Our sister joins me in this plea for home peace, if that gives you any idea of the severity of our domestic life.

I don’t much care that you can’t seem to keep your lightning bolts to yourself, but I do care that you’ve left the burden of these titanic troubles on my altar.

Also, we’re out of milk.

With love, I suppose,