ten

You see two little girls in the playground and can tell that one of them will get nearly everything she wants from life, while the other will suffer endless disappointments and frustrations. What are the signs you see?

the toys, books, and games are common to all, but where one takes advantage of the fact, the other is hesitant. should she ask permission? no one else did, but maybe no one saw them take a toy or a book without asking. she has this feeling, a constant feeling she can’t name or place the origins of, that tells her she’s being watched closely. someone, somewhere is waiting for her to make a mistake, waiting for their signal to swoop in and remind her she is wrong, that everything about her is wrong. she can’t bear it, because how can another person, in good, clear conscience, tell someone else that their experience of life is wrong? she can’t bear it.

a lifetime of feeling unwelcome in a indifferent world will haunt her, make her afraid to exist where and when she is perfectly entitled to do so.

she is afraid to live, simply because no one ever told her she could.

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